I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
