how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
