Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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