i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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