Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
