How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She needs sedatives and a leash
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
