Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
