i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
