Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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