yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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