i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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