he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
