Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
