i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
