am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
