my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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