we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
