I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
