My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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