I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
