I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
