dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
