Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
