Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
