What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
