I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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