Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
