If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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