There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
