Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
