I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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