I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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