Best friends brother. Beat that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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