Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
