I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
