left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
