we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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