I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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