it wasn't lemon gatorade
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
