he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
