I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
