Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
