i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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