He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
