someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
