I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
