so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
