If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drunk is not a location!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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