just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
