I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
