I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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