Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
