and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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