i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
