I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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