i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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