she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
