you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
