yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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