Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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