What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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