Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The air was thick with penises
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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