I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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