on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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