He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
