I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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