I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
