doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My vagina just clenched in fear
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
