dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
