She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
