He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
