Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
